Finding me again

As I see some of my closet friends finding support, comfort, release and much more in writing blogs it reminds me of how much I miss writing. Are my blogs funny or jaw dropping? No, but they are not about how others feel as I write, they are about the way it helps me work through life and get through the bad and share the good. Hopefully I can get back into it, as it can only help me better myself and unleash my feelings and emotions.

Life has changed so drastically and I would be lying if I said it has not been rough. But at the same time my complaints seem so trivial when I see such amazing people struggle in life. I have seen many friends struggle with loss and death the last 6 months. Cancer, car accidents and shootings have taken people I know and people who are very close to important people in my life. Some of the hardest things I have witnessed would have to be the loss of babies, through miscarriage, stillborn, infant death or infertility. You may think why infertility? They have not loss a child, but I have to disagree. I think they lose a child every time that stupid stick gives them results they do not want. They go through devastation and loss of hope just as baby loss mom's do.

Can I say I relate to everyone with a loss? No I can only relate to my own personal story of loss through my miscarriage. Every ones story is different and everyone struggles with pain and unknown answers. I struggle with knowing why some people have to go through such hard things with loss of hope over and over again. Or why the people who would be the BEST parents are the ones who get the crap end of the deal. Or that I can not do anything to help them with there pain or frustration and that I can not take it away. Listening does not feel like I am doing enough. Whether they believe in prayer or not, I do so for now that is what I do for them.

For tonight that is all that is on my mind as I look over at my little monkey sleeping so peacefully and am reminded that I have a special gift and I just hope my friends who struggle with loss can be so lucky SOON!!

XOXO