What I didn't know then

WARNING: IF YOU HAVE STRUGGLED WITH INFERTILITY, OR BABY LOSS THIS BLOG MIGHT BE HARD TO READ AND I WOULD HATE TO MAKE ANYONE SAD OR UNCOMFORTABLE!

When you first see that positive pregnancy test you get so many emotions.  As you progress through the 9 months of pregnancy you grow more in love with that tiny little being that is kicking your insides like it is a soccer ball, jumping on your bladder as it is a trampoline and flipping like he or she is in the circus.  No matter how much you think you love that tiny (or in some cases BIG, like mine) baby you are growing, the love you have the first time you set your eyes on him or her is just something you could not have fathomed before.  Even if that first time you meet him you may not feel the overwhelming flood of emotions (this can be normal) over time you do grow to have more love than you knew existed in one person.

The first time I met Grayson

I also thought Mom's were a little off there rockers to sit there and stare at that precious new baby while they sleep.  But I have to say I get it now!! I really do.  You stare at them and watch them change there facial expressions a hundred times in 10 minutes and you can not help but laugh.  Though you laugh you also might cry....or so I have.  The cries of joy and just emotion I can not explain. 

My peaceful baby sleeping

The smiles he makes in his sleep or because of gas, you tell yourself that he did it on purpose cause you want to see that smile on purpose.  Then when you know he is smiling socially at you, it is the greatest feeling.  To watch him smile, maybe even giggle a little and coo, is something I could listen to and watch forever.  Though I enjoy all this and his rapidly growing personality, parts of me want him to slow down!  I fear him growing to fast and not being able to cherish it all.  Or him growing to the age where he will not want to cuddle with his mom or when it gets akward to kiss him on the cheek.  I do not want those times to come...but I can not stop time.  So for now, I cherish those smiles, coos and cuddle times.  I kiss him a hundred times a day so that I will not regret not doing it when he gets older.  I am so in love and for all my friends who have not had this blessing yet, I can only pray my hardest that they too get the chance to fall so in love one day whether it be next week, next month, next year or even a little farther down the road!

Smiling as he sleeps

XOXO